hi.

today i went to an old folks home. i only stayed for 10 mins. but those 10 mins were the most important 10 mins of the month, or maybe week, for the person i visited. the smile on the face that greeted me, the smile in the eyes that said this is the highlight of my month, or maybe week, was worth the trip. i wish i could stay longer, but i couldn't. this leads me to three points.

i will never grow old alone.

i will never take my youth for granted. youth is indeed wasted on the young.

i will never wait for death.

is the journey, not the destination

i like to dream, and writing never hurt nobody. i'd like a house, not a big one, just a nice shophouse like those i see the in cairnhill area, nestled amongst other shophouses, with exterior architecture fully restored, with concrete as my floor, the smooth polished kind that you can feel the coldness of the air on the soles of your feet. wood and glass as my panels. i'd have a really high ceiling and some good sofas, so people could come over and we could listen to music and just relax. i'd like to have different kinds of alcohol, not wine or beer, cause i can't appreciate it at the moment, but hard liquor, the kind for taste and the kind for kick, where even when i'm older i can play circle of death. i'd like a kitchen, an open kitchen with an island and the ability to whip up meals, whatever and whenever i wanted. i'd like to play an instrument, and in my spare time sing to myself. i'd like to own many shoes too.

notice how god doesn't fit in any of these? it just seems too hard to fit him into my plans. also i wouldn't be willing to. they just look incompatible. i really love this world, help.

well today while cycling i was thinking about my paper. see, i did this lit essay on clueless and got a d for it. that's like between 70-79. there is this higher band, which is 80 and above. and i was wondering, how do such people get it, like how do they write essays that are deemed to be hd? i vaguely remember looking at a marking rubric for history and if i remembered correctly, the best essays were those that intertwined analysis and evidence. even if you had all the evidence with some analysis, that wouldn't get you the highest mark. perhaps uni is different, and marks are harder to come by, but i digress.

you see, the point of this post was to say that i don't really wanna know to get a hd. well yes i'd like to do well, and i know that working hard will get me somewhere in life. but the things that i wanna do, like cooking, like playing an instrument, these are things that i wanna do well, and there are no such bands. there is no grade to say whether your cooking was good or not, or like it was good but not that good, paralleled to d but not hd.

more often than not, the good essays that i read used precise words to describe the situation. i can't think of a very good example now but let's just say tincture was a better choice than trace (read: cheem). so what's the point? i guess using precise words are good, cause some of these cheem words really encapsulate (point made) what you wanna say. also, a word that can express many other words comes in handy when you're thinking of how to stay under the word limit. but why write for an educated audience? my standard of english is average, and sometimes when i read articles i do have to check the dictionary. isn't the point to write so that everyone understands what you are writing?

personally, i like ben gibbard. for the uninformed, he's the frontman of death cab for cutie and the lucky guy that married zooey deschanel. his lyrics are simple, he doesn't use complicated words or anything, but still manages to conjure up metaphors that aptly describe what he feels.

for example:
Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole
Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound
But while you debate half empty or half full
It slowly rises, your love is gonna drown

i never wanted to be educated to this extent. i like socy, but the things i'm learning, no doubt they can help me hold a conversation, they can make me sound intellectual, i can tell you all about how life is socially constructed,

or i could just cook you a nice meal.

what if you are actually supposed to be wherever you are now. what if whatever is happening to you is not some second rate life phase or punishment for mistakes made. would that change anything?